Tissue Troubles

Written by Jewelia Sky on 30 September 2021. Posted in Topic Thursday.

Facial tissue, toilet tissue, handkerchiefs, pocket squares, boogie wipes, kleenexes, whatever you call them! Having a place to blow and wipe your nose is so important when living with PCD! Because of the amount of mucus clogging our noses, blowing and wiping is happening all day and night, and finding the tissue for you is a big decision.

I have tried many many tissues in my life, and they are not all created equal. From sleeves and banana leaves to basket balls and my grandmother’s shawl, I think I have tried it all. So go grab your tissues, as I tell you the tales of finding the perfect tissues!

Now, there are a few key components to finding the perfect tissue:

1- Availability

2- Texture

3- Residue

4- Strength

Now availability is important. You may not always have your own tissues on hand. Especially when you're a kid. There were so many times as a child where I was on a franic hunt for tissues.

In friends’ and family’s houses who, unlike mine, did not keep a box or two in every room of the house or car. I have been offered many whataburger napkins from the trash on the floor, old receipts from the gas station, or worst of all, wet wipes- maybe it's just me, but wet wipes burn the heck out of my nose-. Eventually they would get tired of finding a creative solution for the poor snotty kid in the back seat, and start keeping tissues in their car.

At the pool, waterpark, or lake, basically anywhere there is water can become an issue for kids in need of a tissue. Currently, as an adult I now have a little waterproof fanny pack for the few times I am in the water, but this has not always been available! So, what did I do growing up when I needed a tissue in these situations? Well, my mom would get creative.

I have a vivid memory of being at a waterpark one day with my mother. We were in a tube going down a long, slow slide. While she usually has her purse with her, stocked with tissues, you are not allowed to take your items with you on the slide. So, when less than half way through, I let out a big frothy sneeze. There were no tissues insite... or so I thought. My mom takes one look around and spots a bunch of bushes and trees next to this slide. She reaches out, and in one long swoop, grabs a banana leaf from a tree, sticks on my face, looks me in the eye, and commands that I blow! While I would NOT recommend random foliage as a tissue choice, it definitely works in a pinch. I’d like to say that this was the only unconventional thing I had to use for a tissue, but then I wouldn’t have the story of when a basketball was the closest thing that could rescue me.

Down where I am from, basketball is our football. From a young age we are indoctrinated into the sport. One of the things that they do is, at the high school homecoming game, have the elementary students perform a basketball routine for the halftime show... 30-50 kids all doing basketball tricks and dancing in-sync to that year's most popular song, it was a sight to see. Especially when you notice that the girl with the pigtails covering her runny ears, also has snot running down the sides of her face. At that age, there is no hiding tissues in your braw and the uniforms definitely did not have pockets. So with about five minutes left in our routine I wasn’t sure what to do. Everyone would notice if I left, or if I moved in a way different than those around me. So little Jewelia got creative, and when it was time for all of us to spin with the basketballs in our hands, I took the chance, with my back turned towards the crowd for less than two seconds, I pulled that basketball to my face and wiped it across my nose... I only had one shot, and it was a slam dunk! I have always wondered though, if the kid who had the ball after me noticed that it was not wet with sweat... What can I say?... Kids are gross.

So, while there will not always be tissues everywhere you go, my childhood taught me how important accessibility is! With that in mind, toilet paper has been my savior. Once I realized I could use it for more than just my B-U-T-T, my life got a lot easier.

Now for criteria number two... TEXTURE. There are so so soooo many different types of tissues out there: smooth, patterned, wet, dry, ultra soft, moisturized, cooling technology, cotton, recycled. Everyone has their own preference, and for me I need something soft and not smooth. I wipe my nose so often that if I have a rough tissue then it will not take long until my nose is bright red, sore, and possibly even bleeding. So soft to the touch is important, but if it is a perfectly smooth tissue, it is too hard for me to get a solid grip on my nose, some tissues are so soft and smooth, they glide right over my nose before I can get a proper squeeze going! So when picking out my tissues I always look for something with a pattern printed on it. Things like flowers, little dots, or sometimes a brand name is a pretty good indicator that the tissue isn't going to just slide right off my nose! For an average person this isn’t usually a big issue, but with the amount I blow my nose, the skin is buffed as smooth as a wet marble floor, and I need something with some traction.

Now a huge one for me is RESIDUE! I put this third instead of first only because it does not affect my ability to properly blow my nose, instead it bothers the ever living hack out of me!

To me, nothing beats a box of fresh original tissues, before companies started getting fancy with it. Now everything is “infused” with one thing or another; Lavender, honey, aloe vera, menthol, essential oils, ect. These are great and all, but I do not think they had people with PCD in mind. For the average human who only blows their nose a few times a day, these additives probably feel great on their skin, but for those who blow their nose a few times a minute, this gunk builds up. Have y’all ever heard of the 100 layer challenge? If you haven't, here is the gist of it; You get some make-up, nail-polish, hairspray, etc., and apply it 100 times over the same spot. A couple coats of nail polish is normal, but after applying 100 coats to the same finger you have a few inch tall monstrosity. Now that is what is happening to me with these tissues, I am completing the tissue 200 layer challenge everyday, and I haven't even gone viral!

Last but not least is strength. Nothing is worse than going to blow your nose and ending up with a handful of snot, because the tissue broke mid blow. Now, I put strength at the bottom of the list, because you can always stack them. So regardless of the tissue available, if it seems too thin, or brittle, then you can just stack the tissues on top of each other until it's thick enough for what you need. It's an easy fix, but still annoying. It is best to just find the tissue that has the right strength for you.

With all this in mind, you now know what you need to look for when picking your tissues. Everyone may not agree with this list, but for me it has been pretty handy. Now, for the moment you’ve been waiting for... What is my “perfect” tissue?... Angel Soft toilet paper!

1. It's easy to carry with, and a popular brand in my area.

2. It's got some printed texture on it, and leaves a good grip for my nose while also

being nice and soft.

3. It leaves almost no residue on my nose! It doesn't have any of that fancy stuff in

it, and almost never leaves little white fluffs on my skin,

4. It is strong enough that I can have a powerful sneeze and it wont rip, it's also easy to stack and make thicker if you need to.

P.S. It also is perfect to have in an emergency bathroom situation.

So, what's your perfect tissue, and what criteria do you need it to meet?

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